Amsack

This weekend I'm traveling up to Princeton, NJ, for a black tie event at my old eating club. By the way, I'm 24 years old.

Anyway, as I can't afford a car and Greyhound doesn't offer a reasonable route from Washington to the Trenton area, I decided to take the luxurious option of rail travel on Amtrak. Little did I know how much this 2-and-a-half-hour-each-way-luxury would cost me: over $130. And if I didn't happen to keep the same schedule as a meth addict thus allowing me to take the "super low" web fares, it would probably have cost me over $190.

When did it become so goddamn expensive to get on a train? They're the same trains. They're the same tracks. They're the same surly asshole ticket takers.

Honestly, when I saw the price, I started thinking about buying a car. Maybe an SUV. Something huge with big bull bars on the front so that when I drive into the glass lobby of Amtrak headquarters and start spraying the hallways with buckshot and pipe bombs, they'll really know I mean business.

And maybe they'll spare me a rail pass or two. Signed in blood.