The News from Micronesia

And now for the Woodpile's biweekly update on Micronesia, the world's friendliest speck of dirt in the big puddle we call the Pacific Ocean.

According to the Pacific Daily News (which barely lost the 2005 Vague Award for News Daily to the Southern Hemisphere Gazette) the upright and beloved Continental Micronesia has furloughed 50 workers due to the termination of an agreement with the evil Northwest Airlines of Guam.

The furloughs are expected to begin next week and will affect Continental employees who work at ticket counters and as baggage handlers, as well as gate and ramp personnel for Northwest flights.

I think this is a fantastic idea. I can print my own ticket, handle my own baggage, and probably figure out the gate and ramp situation myself. It's a ramp. It's probably the simplest machine in the world. Step one: find flat surface. Step two: tilt it. Done. It doesn't even approach the complexity of stairs.

One of the reasons behind all of this is that jet fuel prices are through the roof, coming in at $85 a barrel. However

Higher fuel costs have not threatened jobs at Continental, which provides $90 million in annual payroll to its 1,450 Guam employees, Wally Dias, staff vice president for sales and promotions for Continental, said.

Again with Guam. Who cares about Guam? Fascists. We're talking Micronesia, here. 50 people have been furloughed. What are they supposed to do?

Actually, now that I think of it, a furlough in Micronesia sounds suspiciously like an unpaid vacation.