The Woodpile

Ruminations on the Modern Lives of Grizzly Bears and the Adirondack Gopher

4.28.2006

Houston Makes Me Happy

In the first pick of the 2006 NFL Draft, Houston will pick Mario Williams of NC State instead of Reggie Bush. ESPN is reporting that Williams has signed a 6 year, $54 million contract.

Bush had been expected to go first in the draft since even before the 2006 Rose Bowl, and even though there were rumblings of a shift in Houston's front office in the past couple weeks, most people wrote it off as an attempt to force Bush into contract negotiations.

Both Mario and Reggie are incredible, and I honestly think the big DE from NC State is the safer pick, but I'm still amazed. What's more exciting is that this gives my Saints the option of picking Bush or shopping him around for trades (I would much prefer the latter). Regardless, I think we're in for an incredible weekend.

We'll have live updates and commentary on the Draft at The Woodpile starting at noon tomorrow. It should be an exciting 15 hours.

USC's Dirty Sanchez

Today, one day before the 2006 NFL Draft, the national media is all over the Reggie Bush scandal. If you're not aware of the story, apparently the Bush family lived in a $750,000 home for free while Reggie was a Trojan. Which seems perfectly reasonable to me. I've been offered that kind of thing a number of times, but my family just preferred not to give the impression of impropriety. Anyway, if you want to read more about that, just Google it you lazy bastard.

This post is about a current USC player, the hotshot QB prospect Mark Sanchez out of Mission Viejo, California. He was picked up this week on sexual assault charges. He's out on $200,000 bail. Details are sketchy, and it seems that for the moment the USC PR department has things under control...

But get ready for a media avalanche coming down on Pete Carroll's program. And this is going to be mentioned alongside the rape charges against Duke lax players for months.

Check out the SI article by Stewart Mandel here.

4.27.2006

Wes Anderson on AMEX

I'm sure you're well aware by now of the American Express advertising campaign "My Life. My Card." that has featured celebrities like Robert DeNiro, Kate Winslett, Ellen Degeneres, and M. Night Shyamalan. I've always thought that these were pretty cool ads, especially the DeNiro version where he talks all about New York (this one was directed by Martin Scorcese, by the way).

Now my favorite director, Wes Anderson (director of "Bottle Rocket", "Rushmore", "The Royal Tenenbaums", and "The Life Aquatic"), has his own "My Life. My Card." ad. You can watch it here. Like a lot of his films, it's incredibly detailed and deserves repeat viewings to catch some of the jokes.

Chicago says 'No' to Foie Gras

The Chicago City Council just outlawed the sale of Foie Gras on a voice vote. The Chicago Tribune has an article about it.

Apparently, some treehumper decided that the harvesting of Duck/Goose liver is inhumane because farmers use force-feeding techniques to grow the fowl's liver to up to 10 times the average size. (As a side note, I have a serious problem with anyone using the terms 'humane' or 'inhumane' to describe the treatment of animals. They're animals. And a lot of them are delicious.)

Here's my favorite line from the article:
But Ald. Joe Moore (49th), sponsor of the first-in-the-nation ban, said it sends "a powerful message that we uphold the value of a civilized society."
You're right, Mr. Moore. I'm sure the people murdering themselves over crack in Chicago's housing projects will really appreciate the Council's tough stance on goose liver.

4.26.2006

Brandon the Paralegal

So my friend Brandon lives in Boston, and he and a bunch of co-workers went out to a club the other night. He went outside to catch a quick cigarette and asked some guy for a light. Brandon said that all he wanted was fire and acted like it was nothing more than an exchange of pleasantries. After his smoke he went back inside until the end of the ngiht.

Fast-forward to the next day, when he gets forwarded a craigslist posting from one of his co-workers:


Looking back on it now, Brandon probably should have pointed out that he doesn't like anal sex with men BEFORE he gave this guy head.

Woman Punched in the Face

This really needs no introduction. Click here to watch.

Federline is 4 for 4


4 impregnations in 4 years, that is.

That's right, according to my sources (the internets), Britney Spears of Kentwood, Louisiana, has finally shattered any chance that she won't be fat for another year. Apparently, upon hearing the news, she burst into tears of unjoy.

Here's to you, Mr. Kevin Federline. Thanks for showing us how much fun it is to make babies.

Favre: More Pain, Please

Chris Mortensen of ESPN.com reports this morning that Brett Favre has decided to return to the Packers for one last season. Check out the full story here.

I would think that anyone who saw Brett play last year would agree with me that this isn't a good idea. Watching him lose game after game with his pathetic attempts at end-of-game heroics was just sad, and there's no reason for me to think that this upcoming season will be much different. The Packers had serious needs at the end of last year, even prompting Favre to ask for some big off-season moves to make a return more compelling. However,
[t]he Packers' two most high-profile free-agent signings have been former St. Louis Rams defensive tackle Ryan Pickett and former Seattle Seahawks safety Marquand Manuel. The team has also re-signed fullback William Henderson and wide receiver Rod Gardener.
I've had dumps more exciting than that. And that doesn't mention the loss of Ryan Longwell (PK) and the Packers' inability to sign Adam Vinatieri.

John Clayton, perennial winner of ESPN's Dungeons and Dragons Tournament, has written a short piece on why Brett is returning. His argument is that Brett is playing another year "because he can". As I said earlier, if you saw him last year, you might disagree with the "can" part of that.

Anyway, the drama of waiting for Favre to make his decision was exhausting, and even led former teammate Mark Chmura to call him "selfish". Now, after hearing the decision for myself, I'd add "selfishest".

4.25.2006

Chromasia


Chromasia is an incredible photoblog put together by a photographer from Blackpool, England. It's definitely worth a few dozen looks.

Leinart blogs NOLA

ESPN has a cute new feature: Matt Leinart's Draft Diary. Now we can finally get into that hunky head of his! You can even email him questions!!!!

Here's mine: How did you first get into surfing?

Anyway, Mattie recently had a visit with the Saints' Sean Payton and Mickey Loomis. He proceeds to wax poetic about the current state of the city, having been obliterated and all:
Even though it was hot and humid in New Orleans, it was a good experience. What the city and people went through was horrible. I'm not one of those guys who would say I don't want to be with the Saints because of what happened to the city. It would be great to play for the Saints. To be there, to feel it, and talk about the community with the coaches was a very cool thing.
But obviously not cool enough to counteract that smothering humidity, HUH?!?!

I want to be a dick, but he's actually speaks very favorably of my hometown. That son of a bitch.

The Feel-Good Movie of the Year

United 93 is simply not something I'm interested in seeing right now. I don't feel the need to relive 9/11 and the frustration and tragedy and helplessness I felt, especially so soon after it happened.

Also, as I witnessed in the Zacharias Moussaoui trial, sometimes the facts get too intertwined with emotions, and we end up satisfying our pornographic fascination with what happened and how it happened rather than truly understanding it.

However, in other plane-related entertainment news, I'm very excited about Samuel L. Jackon's upcoming feature "Snakes on a Plane". For the Down Syndrome kids out there, the plot centers around passengers being trapped on a plane full of poisonous snakes. One of these passengers is Samuel L. Jackson, who, being totally exasperated at his plight, screams the obvious yet genius
I WANT THESE MOTHERFUCKIN' SNAKES OFF THIS MOTHERFUCKIN' PLANE!
This has Oscar written all over it.

For in-depth coverage, check out Snakes on a Blog.

Nagin on Imus

New Orleans Mayor Ray Nagin appeared on the Imus in the Morning radio show on April 14th to discuss the upcoming debate. Hilarity ensued.

Follow this link to hear it. You'll need to scroll down and click on the April 14 item. Realplayer required.

4.24.2006

Muffaletta Republic

My father volunteered to work at a polling place for the mayoral election in New Orleans on Saturday. I called him yesterday afternoon, wanting to hear about his experience. I knew he'd be a little bummed out, as the candidate he voted for, Rob Couhig, only garnered about 10% of the vote. (As you probably know by now, the incumbent Ray "Chocolate City" Nagin and challenger Mitch Landrieu won the right to face each other in a run-off. I'll leave my analysis of these two characters to another time.)

Dad sounded tired and hoarse on the phone. He had just gotten back from a Greek Easter party at a friend's house where he had been drowning his woes with wine, and that had clearly added to the exasperation I sensed.

Apparently he had arrived at the polling place at 5:15am and stayed until well past 9pm, a long day by any standards. The polling place was set up in a huge warehouse. As so many polling places had been destroyed in Katrina (76 out of a previous 256 were in operation), the state had decided to combine clusters of 33 to 50 precincts' voting locations into "mega-sites". These mega-sites were at Jesuit High School (Dad's alma mater), St. Dominic's School, the University of New Orleans, and the state's voting machine warehouse in eastern New Orleans (where Dad worked).

Along with another volunteer, he was responsible for Precinct 43M, a precinct of about 1,100 voters in the 9th Ward. Precincet 43M is not in the much-publicized lower 9th, but rather in slightly more affluent neighborhood up-river. It was still heavily damaged by Katrina, along with most of New Orleans East. My father estimates that it's 99% African American, as every one of the voters he polled was black.

The warehouse itself was little more than that: just an aluminum shell that was meant for storing equipment. It was a warm day, and there was no air-conditioning in the building. According to my Father, this lead to the only tense moment in an otherwise calm and good-spirited vote.

Apparently, one election-worker, a black woman, had carefully positioned a large fan to be aimed directly at her so she could get some relief. At some point, a white male election worker wearing red suspenders ("a real 9th ward-type" as my dad put it) decided that he wanted part... or all... of the cool breeze. So he got up and shifted the fan towards his seat without asking for permission. Well, he might as well have punched her in the gut; she started screaming at him, causing everyone to stop in their tracks and watch as these sweaty lunatics quibbled over a fan. The racial divide in action! And it wasn't the voters, but the election workers! The pillars of democracy tearing themselves down! Too bad Anderson Cooper missed this (and the resulting Pulitzer). Anyway, Louisiana State Department quick responders were on the scene in seconds. Soon, after everyone calmed down, another fan was brought in, and both parties were able to co-exist in peace.

As I noted earlier, most of the day was quiet, calm, and orderly. Over the course of the day, only 165 voters showed up for Precinct 43M. They knew that approximately 60 had voted absentee. This put turnout at just under 20%, not a particularly surprising number considering how few people were still living in the precinct.

The volunteer my Dad was working with lived in Precinct 43M, so she knew some of the voters who came in, a lot of whom she hadn't seen since the storm. Some had traveled from Texas. Others were staying with relatives in Lafayette or Baton Rouge. Some weren't sure if they were going to return.

So, after a night's sleep and some time to process his thoughts, he got a call from a family friend inviting him to their house to celebrate Greek Easter. So, Dad found himself at a lavish party downing wine, eating baklava, and coming to terms with the likelihood of a Landrieu-run city hall. And as he ate spit-cooked lamb, he said he felt like Yury in Dr. Zhivago, dancing and laughing at great feasts in Moscow while the peasants starved and froze to death outside in the snow.

While Dad can be melodramatic after a few drinks, there really are two cities taking shape in New Orleans. Uptown and the French Quarter are full of promise while New Orleans East and Lakeside are crippled with despair. I don't mean for this to be a moral judgement, but really just my reflection on a reality that is taking shape. Perhaps it can explain why New Orleans is a place that I simultaneously mourn over and long for.